Coming Home

Dear Mrs., Mr., Miss, or Mr. and Mrs. Daneeka:
Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded or reported missing in action.

-Catch-22, Joseph Heller

I recently saw an advertisement for this show:

I feel very reserved about this. It's a mixture of the happy mood of it and the additional hollywood touch of a "surprise" homecoming.

Why a surprise homecoming? Is a regular homecoming not dramatic enough? Is there not enough drama in one returning back after months away from family? Why do they feel the need to turn it into a reality-show/oprah winfrey-esque moment?

And then there's the happy, feel good-ness of the whole show. It perpetuates the myth of war by omission. Something tells me Lifetime doesn't want to share with its viewers stories of those who couldn't make it home, or those who return home with scars, emotional and physical.

Photo by Todd Heisler, Rocky Mountain News

If you feel that this picture is anti-war, then you fail to understand what happens in a war. And what happens in war is far uglier than the dignified end we try to confer upon those who died. Whether one supports or despises the war, as always we must remember that there is a human cost.

...bullets fly and soldiers die and it's such a shock.

Fuck that. What did they think it was gonna be like? Fear factor?"

-Capt. Stone (Woody Harrelson), The Messenger

I'd like to close by recommending two alternate views of homecoming.

The first is War Tapes, which more candidly follows the tours of three National Guardsmen, including their homecoming. It is a far more realistic portrayal than the fantasy of bursting out of presents or dressing up as a knight. For some, there isn't even anyone to greet them ("Where's the spot for losers with no family?" one soldier quips). And after the return home is the adjustment to civilian life.

Taking Chance follows the return home that over 5,000 families have had. And while it is a definitely American film, I still recommend it in that it largely eschews politics and it tells a story that many people never hear about.

Edit: I also wanted to recommend "the Messenger", which follows a fictional account of those who deliver words no person ever wants to hear.

How do you feel about the war media and shows like "Coming Home"? Do they serve a purpose? Are they exploitive? Are they harmless entertainment?

Persona

"Life has become a charade. We carry out one life in public, another in private"

-Kazem Ahangaron

A friend once mentioned to me a homework assignment: What is the purpose of your Facebook profile? What are you display to the world through it. I thought it was an interesting topic.

My Facebook profile's identity lies in its quotes section. I am not the most articulate person out there. I mumble and unless I have time to prepare my speech is filled with pauses and ramblings. It is the words of others that best articulate what's on my mind. Every quote on that page, with the exception of "Live every week like it's shark week" has special resonance with me and my view of the world and life.

I try to keep my wall posts lighthearted. This is the part of me most people will see. It is closest to my public persona. It is primarily smart alec quips, public questions or notifications, and the occasional link of interest. I don't want to force long musings on others. It is not because I do not want to share, but it's because I know people have other things they'd rather see and I don't want to be a bother.

For those that are interested in knowing more about me, I leave my profile information. The large majority of what I think is not private information. If you ask, I will tell you. But I do not volunteer it in conversation, just like I do not volunteer it on my facebook wall. If you ask, or search as you do so by reading my online journal, I will give a candid response. And if you don't care to know, then you won't.

I do hope people read this, just like I hope people read the quotations and see what's important to me or try to find out more about me when they talk to me. It's not because I think I have anything particularly special to share. As mentioned above, others can say what I have on my mind better than myself. It's just a comfort to know some people care enough to learn more about who I am as a human being. To paraphrase Shrek, I'm like an onion. I'm stinky and make you cry, but there are layers! Or so it seems from the number of people who commonly say I seem like an idiot or ass under initial impressions but they find me interesting enough to be good friends later on.

I had the best conversation I've probably had with someone since I joined the Marine Corps today, and it was with someone I barely even know. They didn't ask any of the overdone trite questions about if I was in combat, did I shoot anyone, or anything like that. They didn't ask about politics in the meta scale. They asked about me, my thoughts as a person. And they listened. It may be a bit selfish to want someone to actually be interested in what I have to say, but it's a very human want to desire someone, even a relative stranger, to care enough to know about you as an individual.

What does your Facebook profile say about you? Do you have a different public and private persona?

Humanity

"It is well that war is so terrible, lest we grow too fond of it"

-Robert E. Lee

It always bothers me when the Community Service Officers I work with hope for a medical-aid event. Why would you wish that? To pass the time faster? Out of some perverse desire to see an injury? Either way, they would do well to remember that any med-aid means that someone else is suffering. It isn't something they should hope for. People wish they could have been the ones to discover that burning car. Why? Because it would be exciting and thrilling? A person died. If you want exciting and thrilling, pop in Call of Duty into your X-Box.

People want to stare at the train wreck. It's natural. I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about war and being in it with thoughts that bring to mind the speech about how war is a drug. But we should never lose sight that all these things are affecting other human beings. Lives are destroyed, people suffer, and we should get our jollies elsewhere.

Last week a girl tried to commit suicide. Everyone rushed up so they could see the swarms of sirens, the helicopters flying overhead. Why? We weren't helping. There was no reason for us to be there. Was it just so we could watch at the pretty lights and ooh and ahh? I wonder if anyone even noticed the sound of the girl crying in the background of the radio and thought about her, what she must have felt like, what she must have been going through. It made me feel physically ill. It reminded me of how even war is often a spectator sport or simply a topic to debate over coffee between political pundits.

It's late, I haven't slept in a while, and I'm rambling so I want to keep this short. I vow that no matter what I never forget the human impact of events.

No question for this post. I need to rack out.

Earn this

"Something given has no value."

-Starship Troopers, Robert A. Heinlein

I ran into some friends from a different time today. It made me think about some of the life choices I made and the direction my life has gone. When I was trying to decide what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, someone told me that we sometimes have to put ourselves first.

It was soon afterwards I decided that I had to stay in the military. Another friend, one of my closest, spoke to me about how we can't decide what makes us feel happy or content. I personally could never feel at peace if I knew I was putting my own personal happiness first while there still remains so many others sacrificing.

That is not to say there aren't many things I would rather do with my life. I enjoy being home. I wish I didn't give up all those years with my dog. And above all, I really wish for a family, something stable to come home to. All this time away in the military has made that difficult to achieve. But if I could trade away the opportunity to deploy for the opportunity to have these other joys, I could never enjoy it. I don't feel as if I've earned that right yet.

There are so many others that have done more than I have. I have been blessed with the privilege of serving in the company of men better than me. Many walked away from families, children, loved ones, and some gave everything. What have I done? I sat in a can, played video games, watched movies. And now I've spent three whole years, just sitting at home, wasting away my life. I have not earned this. Let me go back, and send someone else home.

Maybe it's some form of survivor's guilt, though I don't know what I've survived. All I know is that I feel this disconnect with everything here.

This was a bit of a rambling post. This is something that I've always had trouble, and still have trouble, trying to form a coherent thought out of.

What about you? Do you have obligations that you feel you need to finish before you can focus on yourself?

No flag, no country!

"If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is poontang."

-Animal Mother, Full Metal Jacket

I recently caught some flak for saying that I felt it was wrong to pledge allegiance to a flag and that a flag was "just a piece of cloth". This was quickly equated to being a criticism of America.

The flag is certainly a powerful symbol. As the Supreme Court once stated in a dissenting opinion on a decision to protect flag burning, "...the American flag has occupied a unique position as the symbol of our Nation...It does not represent any particular political philosophy. The flag is not simply another 'idea' or 'point of view'...flag burning is the equivalent of an inarticulate grunt or roar...indulged in not to express any particular idea, but to antagonize others..."

I do feel it is proper to ensure it is displayed in a proper and respectful manner. It is an etiquette thing, just as it is proper not to speak while a country's national anthem is playing. When someone uses the flag as a cape and drags it on the floor or chatters away as our anthem is sung, I get annoyed. I do what I can on my part to pay my respects to the colors and to our country's traditions as well as give proper respect to the national symbols of other states and organizations.

But it is not a sacred cow. At the end of the day it is a symbolic piece of cloth (or nylon), but still a piece of cloth. More important is the "republic for which it stands", not the flag itself. If someone treats the flag like trash or insists on playing "Angry Birds" as the Star Spangled Banner is performed, then that's their choice. You can ask them to leave so as not to disrupt the performance, out of respect for a private event/premise, etc., but you can't force someone to be respectful, and there's more important issues facing this country than simply how we treat a piece of cloth.

What does the flag mean to you? What do you feel about the importance afforded to national symbols?