Pomp and Circumstance

"There's no way in hell 4 years of drinking and partying in college qualifies me to lead Marines"

-Gabriel Vila (paraphrased)

People consistently are surprised when I express my disinterest in walking on graduation day, so I figured I'd write about it a bit here. I haven't written in a while, and it's a fairly benign subject. The only people that might possibly get offended are those who feel I'm somehow implying that graduation is completely worthless, which I'm not. It's certainly an accomplishment for many people, but for myself...I could care less.

There are several factors that contribute to my apathy. The first is that UCSD simply is not that challenging compared to Marine Corps boot camp. Graduation itself is not difficult, or in other terms "C's get degrees". I'm prouder of getting accepted into grad school or a job than I am of simply getting the diploma, which feels only marginally better than getting it from a degree-mill school. I feel as if I could have learned more if they just told me "Here's the library. Have fun, and in two years we'll hand you a sheet of paper that employers will love." Except for the equestrian team and a couple close friends I made (oh, and that piece of paper which I need for certain jobs), I would say this was a waste of time and money.

I'm also severely lacking in school spirit, in case you haven't picked that up by now. Institutional flag waving is not something I'm big on. If I pay my respects to the flag, it's not out of patriotism, but for the people that sacrificed for the flag. And if it's that difficult to get me to feel patriotic for a country that I may admit to loving under the right conditions, good luck getting me to go "yay college" in anything except a sarcastic tone of voice.

Perhaps it boils down to college not being this large stepping stone for me that it is for so many others. My major accomplishment was graduating Marine Corps boot camp. The next step was deploying and coming home. And the only thing I can think of that can top that is, god willing, getting into and graduating BRC. Those events came and passed with little fanfare, at least compared to college graduation, and I simply don't feel comfortable with the amount of hullabaloo thrown at the graduation ceremony. It seems so nauseatingly gratuitous for something so trivial...and it's insultingly expensive to boot. I just can't bring myself to care.

Watching the section of War Tapes where the Army troops come home. I'm trying to remember what it felt like to come home. I can't really recall the first time back. The second time back, I remember everyone was just glad that the singer or whatever ceremonious event they had planned for us got cut short. Nobody wanted to hear a speech. Nobody wanted to hear music. Everyone just wanted to see their family. That's it. I just wanted to go home, sleep curled up next to my dog, and get some chinese food. That's all I really remember. I remember my mom was there, because I took a picture with her. I don't remember if my father or sister where there, but it'd make sense if they were. I remember taking pictures of other people for memory's sake.

You know what'd be a good way to celebrate graduation? Get together. Get a beer or two. Reminisce on memories from the last two years. Part ways, but keep in touch. No stupid cap and gown. No speeches from people I don't care about. No pretending to be part of something I don't care at all about. Let's just have a drink.

If you took the time to read this, I'll reward you with a little personal confession. I've hit another milestone in my life, graduating college, and I'm still where I was 4 years ago. Nothing has changed. Other people I know have their significant others and are planning to settle down. I still live in my own world. Why did I reenlist? Because I have nothing else going for me after two years in college. After two years, the only people worth giving a damn about are fellow Marines, sailors, and soldiers (and the occasional airman). I do love my family, and many of my closest friends, but they have their own lives to live, and I have no reason to stay back here for them. If only I had met someone worth staying back here for. Someone that wants to keep in touch with me without me having to leave overseas.

I've been here for two years, and what I have to show for it is a few good friends, my time with the Equestrian team, and a piece of paper. And I really don't care about the last item, so I really don't care about graduation either.

As Dickey might say, I am a disgruntled man.

What does graduation mean to you? Why are you walking or not walking?